Heaven has a new angel

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My heart is heavy and sad as tears stream down my face today. God called another little angel to heaven with him today. Mac, who has been fighting cancer for a year and a half or better, finally ended her suffering and pain today and went to be with the Lord.

Mac, who was 8 years old, and kind of an adopted grand-daughter to my momma, was a kind sweet, brave little girl. She fought hard to beat this cancer. She fought hard for her mommy and daddy. She fought till the very end. Her mommy and daddy should be so proud of the lives she’s touched and impacted over the course of her journey.

I can’t even begin to image what they are feeling, but I know my God does and my God is with them. He is wrapping his arms around them right now with peace and comfort that surpasses all understanding. He will lift them up and always be right there with them.

I ask you all to say a prayer for them. For everyone that is sad that she passed. For all the lives she touched I pray they continue to remember little Mac and all she was. She will always be missed but never forgot.

Rest in Jesus’ arms now Mac. YOU ARE FREE!!!

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Blessings,
Tiffany

Showing the Love of Christ

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So lately, I’ve been dealing with some spiritual warfare. The kind that brings you to your knees and has you begging for Gods mercy. The kind that’s so exhausting all you want to do is run into a hole and hide.

Then it hits me! Show the love of Christ. Show it to the man cussing you out at the gas station for parking at a gas pump instead of a space. Show it to the rude cashier at Walmart. Show it to the lonely girl sitting at the library. Show it to your kids when they’re driving you nuts and chaos is all around. Show it to your husband who needs you to show it to him.

The problem lies with the effort and energy it takes to do that. It is SO much easier to just roll your eyes, snarl you nose, and backlash at all the above situations. BUT, you don’t have to. Yet, many a days, many a times I do. Then I kick myself in the pants for being just what the enemy wants me to be. I’m working on it…..

We all have evil in us. What we do with that evil is up to us. We all have good within us as well. And that good can stomp out, beat down, and overcome any evil we have. The light always shines, even in the darkness.

So today, I’ll try my hardest, with the help of prayer and my savior, to shine in the darkness, wherever it may be, and show the love of Christ to those who need it. AND….. if I ifail, I’ll pick myself up and try again. Because in the end, it’s the effort that we make that makes a difference.

Blessings,
Tiffany

Make Dinner Easy

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I’m writing today to share a little secret with you. Are you ready? I’m a one pot wonder kind of cook. I know probably not the best for the family as there isn’t much variety in a meal, but I have to. I have a large family. Six kiddos plus the hubs and myself, oh, and not to forget Bella-Boo, the little girl I keep at night, makes 9 of us eating dinner every night. I don’t have the time or the energy per say to slave over the stove cooking a meat, and two sides, plus salad, and dessert. I used to, don’t get me wrong, but lately, or the past few years my cooking passion has went to the dumps.

I’m reaching out to you my readers, friends, and family for some exciting new one pot dinner dishes that I could make to spice things up a bit. I used to love cooking but now it’s more of a chore than a hobby. It’s lets get dinner on the table before 7pm and be done. Maybe it’s the baby hanging on my leg. Or the lack of energy after schooling 5 children all day. I don’t know but I need help.

If you have a one pot dinner, casserole, crock pot meal you can share I’d truly be indebted to you. Please leave a comment and share share share! I promise my family will be grateful not to eat veggie soup for yet another night :)

Blessings,
TIFFANY

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Family Update Wild Bill

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Dexters face painting she did…..

Wild Bill is my shy, introverted, can sit with a tub of legos for hours on end kind of kid. She’s sweet and compassionate but lately has been rather testy!
She’s also my diabetic daughter and her sugars and A1C haven’t been that great :(

She’s getting ready to have her 13th birthday next month….. Oh my, how did we get here?!?!?!? I remember just yesterday holding my little little baby. She’s always been super petite. And now she has a good inch in height over her momma.

She’s doing really well in school. Loves project work, the kind where she has to build or create something. She’s an excellent artist and LOVES to draw Manga, Zentangle, and animals. She must get her talent from her daddy cause i can’t draw a stick figure if you know what I mean! HA!

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These are some of her latest building projects! She’s pretty good, even if she just has rocks, dirt, sticks, and some yarn!

She’s overall a great kid! Well, all my kids are, if you don’t mind me saying. (****WINK****)

Blessings,
Tiffany

Writers Block and a Good Story

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I’ve been having a serious writers block lately! You know, the one where you have this HUGE GIGANTIC story to tell, or writing to get done, and then your fingers hit the keyboard and nothing. So disappointing. Time and time again for the past two weeks it’s happened. I’ve tried to switch it up a bit but nothing. You see, I write my posts somewhere between 3:30-7 a.m. The house is quiet. Nothing is stirring. I can sit and pray over the post. I can have my coffee and bible out. I can just be with me. Be with my thoughts and prayers and ideas of what I want to accomplish with a said post. But lately I sit, and sit, and sit some more and nothing comes. It’s frustrating! So frustrating!

So, here I sit on yet another morning, same as the last it feels, and it’s 3:30a.m. I have my coffee, which is smooth and delicious by the way, and my bible open to Psalm 50:15. This is what I want to say:

I struggle. Everyday I struggle. I struggle with self confidence. I struggle with past pain. I struggle with not being good enough. I struggle with addiction. I surrender everyday to God. I have to. I once thought, ” i surrendered it, why isn’t it going away?” You have to sometimes surrender it daily, for a week, maybe a month, and sometimes even years, before you see the fruit of that prayer! I have been there. I have struggled with abuse from my past going on 20+ years. I pray it away but it still affects some aspects of my life. It’s hard to overcome. It’s a mountain in my life. One I know I can’t and won’t overcome on my own. Jesus said he gave us the power to cast mountains into the sea and sometimes I have to do that every single day. Sometimes it’s all I can do to pray “God strengthen me for this day, to do your will, to be your hands and feet, and to somehow in the end GLORIFY you.”

I have had seasons in my life that were a train wreck. Finances amiss, relationships on the rocks, stillness from God no matter how much I seek his face and pray. I’ve also come to learn over the years of walking with Jesus that as much as He tries to shield us from all the bad sometimes it gets in. And other times we invite it in without even knowing. But I do know also, that there are a few things I can do to bring comfort to me. One is pray. Praying not only for myself but for others. Really lifting others up. It’s one way that brings me peace in a situation. It takes the focus off of “poor me” and puts it on God and others. Another way is digging in to scripture and learning from it. God didn’t put his breath to the Word for us not to be learning and living what he says. I’ve learned that when I’m having an issue I go to scripture and find what it says about that issue. Psalms has 150 chapters of struggling and overcoming! I’m sure we can all find something to relate just in that one book of the bible alone.

My life is not my own anymore. Not since I surrendered it at the foot of the cross to Jesus. No matter how much I believe, this life will always throw me curve balls. Always try to get the upper hand over me. Keep me in my struggles, keep me reliving the pain. Keep my battling addiction. But I’m here to tell you that I HAVE HOPE! Hope in a risen savior. Hope in his word. Hope in his presence. I don’t have to sit still and do nothing. I can rise up and overcome, because I know the one who overcame it all.

I leave you with this scripture:
Psalms 50:15 & 51:1-4
and call on me in the day of trouble and I will deliver you and you will honor me.

Have mercy on me, Oh God, according to you unfailing love; according to your great compassion,blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned; and done evil in your sight….

Blessings,
Tiffany

Family Update : Dexter

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So I thought since it’s been quite a while I’d do an update on the family for you. The only problem with this is that if I did a general family update with all that has happened, you’d be reading a book so…….. I figure I could do an update each day for each of the kids. We’ll start with the oldest, Dexter!

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She just had her 16th birthday! Yes, we bought her a car! Totally out of the ordinary for us since we teach our kids they have to work for what they want in life, but she’s such a good girl, and was expecting to get a job, so this frees up me from running her around. She still has to wait until January to get her license, but it’s going to take her that long to get used to driving it since it’s a 5-speed.

It’s Been Too Long

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Hi everyone! It’s me here, Tiffany! You’ve probably long forgot that I even have a blog :) That’s ok, I forgot for a long time that I had a blog too. Not really but my mind wasn’t well enough to write.

You see, after I had Pippy, I thought the hard part of having a stroke was over. I had really recovered well from it. No physical side effects what so ever. That to me was the hardest battle of having a stroke and to many people, that’s what they think too. I’m here to tell you it is not, unfortunately.

Most people think a stroke victims major recovery is the physical, and with some strokes I suppose that’s correct. With me, and a lot of other “mild” victims it’s the mental part that gets you. For me that has been the hardest part of recovery. And I’m still not there.

After Pippy was born and after a few days my physical side effects went away. I had my strength back, could walk and talk normal, and seemed to be a miracle to many people. What you couldn’t see is the turmoil I had inside. The part of the stroke that no one can see. I felt like I couldn’t capture my thoughts and verbalize them. I would get tangled with my words. I felt sometimes, and still do, as if all these thoughts and things I want to say are there but they won’t come out! It’s frustrating.

Then comes the depression. Oh, the depression has been rough. At first I thought I was just dealing with the baby blues that has accompanied many of my births. No, this went way deeper, and has lasted much longer. I almost feel robbed of my babies infant-hood if you will from the severe depression I was in which was a side effect from the stroke.

I want you to know, It’s not just the physical, the mental part of recovery is way harder. I went to the doctor time and time again seeking help. I needed to feel better. To feel in control. It wasn’t until I really grasped that the issues I was having weren’t going to go away. That what I was dealing with,This monster of depression, was the new me, that I started to feel better. And let me be honest, that just happened recently. Thirteen months I’ve been in this pit. It’s enough to drive a saint insane. I just kept pushing on, trying my hardest to live and thrive but surviving the day was more what I was doing.

My husband, God love him he’s the best, prayed, and stayed right by me, encouraging me, lifting me up, picking up the slack. I don’t know that I could’ve gotten through all this with out him. He has been my rock and my stablizer. He has went through many of dark days on my behalf and still faces the next with a smile. He loves me. That’s really all I can say. When I wanted to give up, throw in the towel, he was right there to lift me up, and carry me on. I love him so much and am so thankful for his spirit, determination to get me better, and guiding prayers through this journey.

I’m hoping to be writing here more often. It’s a release for me. I enjoy it. And it’s a place where I can be me. The new me, post stroke, fleeting thoughts, stumbling sentences(I’ll auto correct them for you all though) and all.

If you’re still around and reading, I thank you. Here’s to a new start!

Blessings,
Tiffany